x Mom, you are special

A friend of mine had a baby a few months ago. I spoke to her one day when she was having a tough time - the baby wasn't feeding well, wasn't sleeping well and was battling with cramps and hiccups. For those of us who have been through the baby stage, we [now] know that at times, you just have to be patient - that the hard times will eventually turn, that the child will outgrow the colic, or will start to kick and roll around, getting his/her little system going and the poos coming - or will start to smile that smile that warms your heart so much, you can feel it in your toes! But telling a new Mom that she must be patient just doesn't work - she's there, living the moment, losing sleep and pulling out her hair - unsure of what to do to help her child, who she barely knows well enough yet to even understand. I asked this friend if her Mom had been able to help, and with a little tremor in her voice, she told me that her Mom was on holiday. A few days later I received an sms from this same friend telling me that her little girl was improving, that she was feeding easier and seemed more comfortable. She also mentioned that her Mom was back from holiday... :-)

There's something that takes over you when you become a Mom, and you're never quite the same. Before Ella was born, I had never so much as changed a nappy or even really been that interested in children - except for a special little girl named Sarah (who is now a special young lady). Although I do remember one afternoon when we looked after Sarah for a few hours - she must have been about 3 and went running off to the loo for a wee and didn't quite make it in time - and then she needed to poo too, and "oh dear me, how was I going to wipe her bum?" I had never wiped someone else's bum before! :-)

Before J was born I used to lie awake at night wondering how the hell I would love two children - would I have to take love from one child to give to another? My girls were born and everything changed. I became a Mom.

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new. ~ Rajneesh 

Every new Mom eventually gets the hang of changing a nappy one-handed, with only one eye open, in the middle of the night. She can pick out her own child's cry (or giggle) from amongst the cries (or giggles) of a bunch of kids in a playground. She can pack a baby bag, warm a bottle, apply bum cream and speak on the phone all at the same time. She knows how to whip out a boob to feed her child in a crowded place without offending anyone - or in some instances not caring whether or not she offends anyone because, dammit (!!), it's time for the child to be fed and she just doesn't want to sit on her own in a neon-lit baby-feeding bathroom when it's the lights and sounds and the people around her that she's craving.

While it's true that it's these things that one eventually masters - it's matters of the heart that I'm finding hard to handle. I loved Ella before she was even born - and I really do mean that - but I realised that I had fallen in love with her on the day of her 6-week vaccinations, when she lay on my chest, feverish and crying, needing nothing else more in the world than my love - I knew then that I would love her like no other (obviously J is part of that circle now) and that I would protect her (them) with my life. Learning how to deal with that intense love is an ever-changing lesson - to not let that love consume you, to not let it be your decision-maker, is tough. To stand back sometimes and just watch is hard - and after only 6 years of being a Mom, I still have a long, long way to go. And I know that after 38 years of being a Mom, that my own Mom still feels the same way!

Speaking of my own Mom, I've learnt more about her in the last few years -last year especially - than ever before. I've come to understand the love she feels for me and the mountains she will move for me. I know that she will do her best to protect from all that is bad and sad in the world, and rejoice with me in all that is good. My Mom is one of the strongest people I know. She's feisty, she's courageous, she has a heart of gold and the strength of a lion - and I'm not speaking about physical strenghth alone, but also a strength she has had to dig deep down inside to find in order to get through her challenges - and come out smiling. Love you Mom xx

Often, at bedtime, Ella will tell me that she loves me sooooo much and that she really wants to tell me just how much she loves me but that it's hard for her because she doesn't know how to explain to me how much she loves me. She will eventually say that she loves me more than I love her, and it's then that I smile softly to myself because I know that my girls will never know just how much I love them until one day they have children of their own and receive the blessing of the name "Mom".

I love my children intensely. Ella with her gorgeous hair, her smartie-brown eyes, her long legs and cheeky smile. Her amazing intelligence. Her desire to please me - which actually scares me instead. Her sensitive soul and her fear of change. Jemma with her sparkling blue eyes, mop of blonde hair, throaty chuckle and stubborn ways. She's the independent one - the one who refuses to let you help her with anything, and tells you to go away when she wants to do something on her own.

A while ago Ella gave me the badge that I've posted at the top of this page. She's so excited to be able to write, but sometimes it's tough to decipher the stuff she writes. I didn't have a problem with this one though. I love it - and feel so very special!

Here are some quotes I found about being a Mother
Children are the anchors of a mother's life. ~ Sophocles


When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child. ~Sophia Loren


Being a mother is learning about strengths you didn't know you had, and dealing with fears you didn't know existed. ~Linda Wooten

And then this one, which is so typical of me
Sweater, n.: garment worn by a child when its mother is feeling chilly. ~Ambrose Bierce


HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL THE MOMS OUT THERE. YOU'RE DOING A PHENOMENAL JOB!


xoxo