Screw you!

There's a tiredness in my life at the moment that I'm finding to be so completely overwhelming. It's not that tired gritty-eyed feeling that comes from lack of sleep, although with E's continuous coughing I am beginning to feel that way. It's that bone-tired, don't-you-dare-throw-another-curve-ball-my-way tired. The kind of tired that you put away for most of the day and only succumb to as you sink into your bed late at night. You put on a happy face for your family and your colleagues but have a little cry in the car most mornings on the way to work....

If you had told me last October when E started school that she'd still be getting sick almost a year later, I would never have believed you, and all those dam conventional medicines we were giving her seem to have done nothing other than to plough through our MSA. I hate to see that little body shake with the cough, cough, cough. I get to sit with her in the early hours of the morning while the world outside seems quiet. We snuggle up while she breathes steam from the neb and concentrates on a One Upon A Time story about her and her sister having picnics with fairies in the Enchanted Wood. She eventually calms down enough to go back to sleep. I kiss her and cuddle her and wrap her up, and drag my own exhausted body back to bed, hoping that she won't wake up again until morning.

What a tough 2 years it has been with more and more mud being thrown at us - but hell, I guess that's life. When you sit back and think that you can't possibly deal with one more 'thing', is exactly when that 'thing' comes along and slaps you on the cheek. Thank goodness for family, friends and Lexamil! You pick yourself up, put on a smile and wade through to the next chapter.

And so I say, "Screw you!"
You're exhausting me but you're not going to get me down. You're not going to mess with my family or my marriage! E will get better. S will find a job that he enjoys - he'll wake up in the mornings, kiss his girls and happily bounce off to work. J will keep making those around her smile in her sweet, silent, gentle way. The four of us will go off to the Berg in October, we'll breathe the sweet mountain air and spend every minute of each day together. And sometime after that I'll book myself into a spa for a day and I'll be pampered from the top of my head to the tips of my toes and relax in the knowing that I am strong enough to keep them happy, safe and together - no matter what life throws at us :)