For Josh

Joshua Jennings...I wish that I had met him, I've heard so much about him. From the photos I’ve seen, he has a mop of brown hair, a big friendly smile, and sparkling brown eyes.

I met his Mom almost 18 months ago. Kara has become a special friend to me. We don’t see eachother often, but we have a bond that means a lot to both of us, although we wish it never had to be. It’s a bond between two Mothers whose children have passed, Josh at 10 and Ella 3 days before her 10^th birthday.

Kara is such an inspiration to me. In the little time that I’ve known her, I have seen her take her pain and allow it to strengthen her. She has her shitty days – that I know for sure – but she pushes through and wakes up each day to start again. She’s running like a champion, I’m not sure how she finds the time and I’m green with envy, but I know, and she knows, how much the running helps her to focus - on something more. It keeps her going - and Josh runs beside her.

I’ve seen Josh’s family – his Mom, Dad and sister grow through their pain this year. They’re all a little stronger than before. The first time I met Warren I saw through his smile to the sadness in his eyes. The first time Jem and Emma met they connected immediately - they share the burden of losing an older sibling who they still love and look up to - except now they look up to the stars for comfort. Both of these girls are braver than brave.

Today, 3 years after Josh’s accident, my heart hurts. Today I remember a little boy I never met. I honour him with a candle lit beside my computer as I wade through this day – heavy with the sadness my friends are going through, knowing those memories that come unbidden, unwanted.

I wrote this last year, and it remains the same…

I know that Josh and Ella are side by side, standing together, holding a trophy. I like to imagine them kicking back on fluffy white clouds, giggling at eachother’s jokes. She’ll show him how to ride a unicorn and he’ll take her for a spin on his bike. I know they are looking down on their mommies…sending us the love and strength we need to get through each day without them.

Kara, you’re stuck with me buddy. Through thick and thin. Through tears and smiles. I know your world and you know mine. I'm sending you so much love, and hoping that somehow you managed to find a little bit of peace today.

PS, Joshie, let’s make a deal…you keep an eye on my girl, and I’ll keep an eye on your Mom.

xoxo