UNTRAVELLED SOLES

It's been ages since I have blogged! I have so much on my mind that I want to blog about - so much to say and so many words that I want to get out, but I just haven't had a chance...

To be honest, I'm finding life completely overwhelming at the moment. I'm not sure why though as nothing has changed. Although I've officially become a 'single Mom' fairly recently, it's been that way since the end of January, so I adapted to the craziness of doing-everything-on-my-own a while ago!

Is it maybe that I'm just desperate for the school holidays? The one pitiful week I will have to chill just a little bit - to deviate from the norm? Yes, I'm frikkin' knackered - and even one week's grace will make a difference to my psyche!

Is it that I'm completely clueless as to what to do with this Candida thing? Yeesssss! It sure is!
The results of live blood analysis done on both Ella and myself show that both of us have Candida cells in our blood. Have you ever tried a Candida diet? No refined carbs, no wheat, no dairy, no gluten, NO WINE, limited fruit - and probiotics. The probiotics alone are costing me a small fortune - and the diet? Well, heck! I just don't know what to do! I'm probably blowing it all totally out of proportion, it's probably not thaaaat difficult, but right now it's like a great big finger that's constantly tapping me on the shoulder, saying 'So! What are you going to do about me?', and I'm sticking my head in the sand - and just eating more of what I'm not supposed to be.

Is it that I seem to have more people relying on me than I did before? Well maybe just a little! Here I was thinking that with the recent developments in my personal life, I could be just a little selfish and let my life be all about me for a bit (after the kids, that is)...not going to happen!

Is it the guilt that I feel for what my girls are having to go through? Dam right it is! DC. DC4K. Play therapy. Questions - and how will I ever find the right answers? Are they as ok as they seem to be? Alternating weekends, or just Friday nights? Trying to find the balance between the time I want to spend with my babies (and then dividing that time between QT just with me and time with family or friends) and time I must have for myself (and then dividing that time between socialising and time alone). There just aren't enough hours in a day!

Is it that I'm not running as much I would like to be? HELL YEAH!! I'm so dam frustrated. I love putting on my running shoes and hitting the tarmac, but the less I run, the less fit I am and the less comfortable my time on the tarmac becomes. I'm desperate to train for a 21km, but it's just not happening - and it's a vicious circle - the less I run, the more moody I become, the more I eat, the more I grow, the more tired I become - and there go the skinny jeans, off to the back of the cupboard!

Is it that I stopped my Lexamil too soon??? Ummmmm, possibly (silly, stubborn me!). I'll be calling the doc first thing tomorrow morning to get that script going again - and then, just possibly, my inner drama queen will quieten, and I'll be able to cope with each of the above one step at a time!

A very jumbled and badly written post - but just had to get it all out! And feel so much better for it :-)

xoxo