Missing

There's an important person missing from our home these days. He's been gone since 29 January. The entire family has had to deal with and accept some major changes. I've been so worried about our girls, but they've been great. I'm so proud of them. They've had their moments - of course they have. I've let them have those moments and have cried with them when they've cried.

My heart has broken a thousand times over this year alone, and I know we still have so far to go. I know that I've not really dealt with the changes in my life, but that one day, sometime, the reality is going to hit me like a ton of bricks and I'm going to be woman-down. My fear is that I don't know how long it will take for me to get back up - but I do know that when it does happen, I will need it to happen because it's part of that process we call healing - and when I am ready to face the world again I know that there are many incredible people in my life who will help me from sinking into the emptiness I am so afraid of.

There are also two little people in my life for whom I know I must lift myself up - when the wobblies do hit.
Quality time alone with my girls has become more important than ever. They're going to have fun times with their Dad - I'm forever grateful for that. But when the three of us girls are together, we're going to indulge in girl time. On Friday night I let them stay up late - the three of us sat on my bed, brushing eachother's hair, chatting, giggling - girl stuff. I'm going to make the most of these times together. We're going to be hurting at different times and at different levels so we're going to have to rely on girl power to get us through. I have a feeling that, in many ways, I am going to grow with them, and I hope that as the three of us grow, we're always going to be able to come together as we have, when we need to.

So, excuse me please, the munchkins are waiting patiently in the garden - we're going to make breakfast from moon dough, fly a kite and play hopscotch. They also want to paint their nails. So if you bump into me next week, and I have pink and purple nails, don't ask why, just smile because you'll know who I've been spending my time with :-)

xoxo